can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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