Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize