So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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