Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
