I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
