you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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