she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
