I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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