Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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