Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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