i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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