I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
