just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
