I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Couch. On fire.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
