Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
