New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
