I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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