Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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