He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
