whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
