Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
