I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
