I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
