I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
