So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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