$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
