imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
