living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
