I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
