hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
