Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
