imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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