I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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