Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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