you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I die, sorry about rent.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
