The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize