mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
