Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
