That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
