I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
