I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In other news, I just burned my penis
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
