I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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