A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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