It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
