Your tits are I can't wait for
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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