Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize