Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
