IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
