Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
