it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am puke
I cockslap morals
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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