it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize