he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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