I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
