Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
