It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
