I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
