My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
