new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
