WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
