I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
