he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
