The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize