I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
