Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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