I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
