yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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