The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
