how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
