The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
do herpes really smell.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
